On Monday, Cecilia and her mommy and daddy had their birthing class reunion. You see, all summer, a bunch of pregnant couples got together every Monday to talk about Things You Need to Know to Have a Baby. (There were no single moms in our class, nor were there in the class we visited on Monday. I know there are lots of single moms out there. Do they have a separate class? Are they excluded? I will not stand for segregation. If I were a single mom I'd stage a sit-in. SEPARATE CAN NOT BE EQUAL!) These Things that we learned included the basics, like breathing, when to come to the hospital, what to expect, etc., but it also taught us stuff like: how to get extra food from hospital foodservice, what to do with a b**** nurse/a-hole doctor, and how to get free diapers from the hospital. They also showed us all the tools that could possibly be used in the birth process. This review of surgical tools included the plastic knitting needle, the turkey baster, the bicycle pump, the metal duck, and the Nerf PopDart Gun. This reminded of the time my sister had her appendix wound cleaned with a popsickle stick and a giant wooden q-tip.
Anyhow, we went to the reunion, and it was nice to see all the other new babies. We got to tell our birth stories to the new class. Most of the stories were nice and normal, as opposed to the group that told their birth stories to our class. Each one of those mothers had the baby halfway jammed behind a lung or something and ended up needing double-caesarian sections, each two days apart if you can believe that (you probably can't because I'm exaggerating), but my point is that we heard some horrific stories. Everyone in our group told the story that started "Well I started feeling some contractions..." and ended "Then the doctor said it was OK to push..." and it all seemed pretty simple.
Now I've always though Cecilia was pretty cute, cuter than most babies anyway. Well, when we got to the reunion nearly all the babies were asleep from the car-ride in to the hospital. Almost all of them looked pretty cute. I was beginning to doubt that Cecilia was exceptional. I had some dark moment there. Then they woke up and started going through their repertoire of supposedly "cute" moves. No. No way. Can't hold a candle to Cecilia. When they were sleeping, they all looked like little angels, but awake one baby looked like Quato from Total Recall. The rest looked like Garbage Pail Kids. Of the 12 or so babies there, Cecilia would get in any judges Top 3. After that its all politics, so who knows if she'd come away the winner.
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